A Call for Hope and Curiosity

Yesterday, many of my clients felt anxious at the potential outcome of the election. In each of our sessions, I worked with them on visualizing the outcome they hoped for, and we discussed how they could manage if the outcome was not what they hoped for.

When I got home from work, I turned off all my media and went to bed without knowing what direction our country was moving towards. I woke, similar to many, with a sense of deep grief and fear. I was sure that would be the template of my day, perhaps my week, perhaps the next 4 years. Then, I decided to watch my daughter-in-law's weekly baking video (if you are interested in baking or good cheer, it's worth a watch) As I watched it, I laughed and smiled. I felt connected to something positive.

In that moment I realized, that even in the midst of feeling something deeply paralyzing for me, I could still access joy, I could feel some hope in my heart. At that moment, I got down to the task of deciding how I was going to approach this day, both personally and professionally. I knew that the hope and joy I felt watching her video had to be part of how I managed for myself and for my clients.

In emotionally challenging times, we have the opportunity to approach a situation with fear and/or anger, which is a reaction that is tied to the brain's survival mechanisms. They’re primarily responses that help us deal with perceived threats. And at the other side of the range, we can approach a challenging situation with hope and curiosity, also deeply rooted in our brain's mechanisms, but are directed toward growth, exploration, and resilience rather than mere survival. Because politics has become so divisive, it engages us in fear and anger more often than hope and curiosity.

Growing up, I can recall less fear around party lines, and more acceptance that we could have different things we hold as values and still be good neighbors, good community members, good friends. Now, it feels like we often witness discord between people who fall on opposite sides of party lines. We witness judgement, distancing, and even vitriol, instead of curiosity. The need to be right, or to feel some form of protection, has caused us to stop collaborating. And, the need to be right, has obscured our ability to be curious about what's behind a person's beliefs.

As a result, many people have been feeling unheard, disenfranchised, and scared. I've seen this, both in and out of my practice, for at least the last decade, if not longer. We also see this in interviews on every news station whenever election time rolls around.

At this juncture, how do we move forward in a way that embodies hope and curiosity? How do we help to heal those that are hurting? I don't have all the answers for that, they are big questions, and personal ones too. Yet, I do have some ideas on how to create a safer space for one's self as we move forward.

• Manage media

  Although sometimes news and social media can be validating to our own perspective, it can also feed into one's sense of despair and grief. It also feeds our perspective by often only showing you things you agree with, and doesn't allow for deeper understanding of differences.

  
  

• Seek calm

  Actively seek out something that makes you feel calm, joyful, or happy. Focusing on something positive daily can help you see the gray in an otherwise black and white sense of our future.

• Get involved

  Find a way to get involved in an organization that means something to you, that matches your values. Giving back is an incredible way to feel like we are doing something to improve not just our state of being, but the future.

  
  

• Define hope

  What does hope look like to you? What are some actionable ways you can work towards that vision. If you have kids (big or small), this is a great conversation to have to help them manage any anxiety they are feeling.

  
  

• Be curious

  Ask questions that enable you to engage more meaningfully in the path our country is on. Try to really understand the point of view of a person you don't agree with.

There is a time for those who are frustrated with the outcome to grieve, and those that are happy with the outcome to celebrate. Then comes the time we reach across the divide with hope and curiosity to see how we can build a brighter future.

Don't forget, we are all more alike than different.