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How Our Brains Trick Us Into Thinking We’re the Only Ones Struggling

Writer's picture: Contributing WriterContributing Writer
Silhouetted figures in soft lighting stand scattered on a hazy floor. One central figure stands slightly illuminated, creating a contemplative mood.

Cognitive distortions make it remarkably easy to believe that personal struggles are unique. Intellectually, most people recognize that others also experience self-doubt, emotional setbacks, and uncertainty. Yet on an emotional level, there’s often a persistent feeling of isolation, as if everyone else has quietly mastered what still feels overwhelming.


This perception is largely a function of how the mind processes information. People have full access to their own unfiltered thoughts, including every irrational fear, intrusive worry, and moment of self-doubt. By contrast, they only see a curated version of others. This version is shaped by social norms, selective disclosure, and the natural limits of external observation. This imbalance creates a false contrast, making one’s own struggles seem outsized compared to the seemingly effortless competence of others.


Another factor is the self-reinforcing nature of distress. When someone feels isolated in their difficulties, they are less likely to disclose them. In turn, this lack of disclosure strengthens the illusion that others are not experiencing similar struggles. The result is a feedback loop in which everyone believes they are the only ones who haven’t figured things out.


The practical implications of this distortion are significant. It can lead to unnecessary self-judgment, hesitance to seek support, and even a reluctance to take risks. It also fosters a sense of imposter syndrome, where success feels unearned simply because the internal experience of doubt does not align with the external perception of others’ confidence.


Breaking this illusion does not require forced vulnerability or public disclosure of personal difficulties. It can be as simple as observing how frequently people express relief when they hear that someone else shares their experience. The more attuned one becomes to subtle moments of recognition (hesitations, pauses, shifts in tone) the clearer it becomes that no one moves through life without struggle. Recognizing this pattern does not eliminate difficulties, but it reduces the added burden of believing that struggling is somehow a personal failure rather than an inevitable part of human experience.

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