Why The Expectation of Progress Can Undermine Contentment

Many conversations often start with a single question: “What’s new with you?” Inherent in this seemingly innocuous question is the expectation of progress. For many, this social ritual feels harmless, even motivating. But for others, it creates a quiet strain, a sense that existence alone is insufficient unless accompanied by forward momentum.

At its core, the need to have an update reflects a cultural emphasis on external markers of progress. Career advancements, personal milestones, and new ventures are seen as indicators of a life well lived. While change is inevitable, the expectation of constant evolution can distort self-worth. It suggests that a period of steadiness, rest, or even intentional pause is not enough.

The discomfort of having nothing new to report often leads to performative responses. People may exaggerate small developments, frame ordinary moments as achievements, or redirect the conversation to someone else. This is not necessarily deceitful. It is a way of conforming to an unspoken rule that stagnation should be concealed. The problem is not the act of updating others but the subtle implication that being in the same place is something to overcome.

This pressure can be especially pronounced in professional settings where careers are often framed as a series of upward moves. Someone who remains in the same role for years may feel the need to justify their choice, even if they are content. In social circles, a person without a major update may feel out of sync with friends who are experiencing visible life changes. This can lead to a quiet but persistent questioning of one’s own timeline.

One of the more overlooked aspects of this expectation is how it shapes self-perception. If an individual internalizes the belief that they should always be progressing, they may start to feel disconnected from periods of stability. A quiet season of life where routines feel predictable and change is minimal can feel like wasted time rather than a necessary phase of existence.

This does not mean that ambition, growth, or sharing updates is inherently problematic. For many, discussing progress can be a source of motivation and connection. The issue arises when the absence of an update feels like a failure rather than a natural state. Learning to be at peace with stillness requires challenging the assumption that every moment needs to be a stepping stone to the next.

So how can the "what's new" ritual be recast.

Recognizing the impulse to provide an update, whether to justify, impress, or deflect, can reveal how deeply ingrained this expectation has become. Instead of viewing stability as a lack of movement, it can be reframed as a period of integration, where past efforts take shape and future directions emerge naturally.

Conversations do not always need an answer to “What’s new?” Instead, they can be an opportunity to explore what is meaningful, even if that meaning is found in the quiet continuity of the present.