Here Come the Holidays and the Relatives

We all have them, the one or more relatives we only see occasionally that cause us the same discomfort as that unfortunate time the dentist hit an exposed nerve; the drunk uncle, the mouthy sister-in-law, the disgruntled sibling.

The holidays throw us all together. While these gatherings are often depicted as a time of joy and cheer, the reality can sometimes be more stressful than we expect. They can bring out the worst in people. Navigating these interactions requires planning especially when encountering differing political viewpoints, old wounds, or unresolved tensions lurking to trip us up.

With Thanksgiving around the corner and more family gatherings to follow, many of us will engage in festivity while trying to maintain our sanity.  Adopting the right mindset and employing techniques to avoid getting triggered can make these occasions not only bearable but enjoyable.

Some of the things you can do:

• Get in the right headspace

  Imagine how much more enjoyable these parties will be for you by entering them feeling grounded.  If you anticipate feeling challenged when you walk into a living room filled with relatives, take the time before you go to do something calming for yourself: meditate, go for a walk in nature, listen to soothing music, or do yoga. If you find specific people taxing, focus on the positive aspects of their character and then visualize your interaction with them unfolding congenially.

• Ask for help ahead of time

  Discuss with your spouse or siblings the challenges you anticipate and talk to them about how you feel and what you need. Set up a signal you can send that lets them know you’re feeling frustrated so they can come to your rescue and run interference.

• If you do feel triggered, take a break

  Move to another room, to the deck, to the yard, or take a walk around the block. There is nothing wrong with a short escape to recenter yourself. Take some deep breaths. Remind yourself that this is just one afternoon.

• Focus on the positive

  Instead of allowing yourself to get dragged into drama or negativity swim in the abundant sea of gratitude. Someone worked really hard to cook all that yummy food. Those aromas filling up the house represent someone’s act of service to the family. Take the time to thank them. Perhaps even offer a toast to the host. Take a step back and realize that these times of communal gathering are infrequent and remember there is a lot of shared history with these people.

• Find an ally who you enjoy

  No rule states that you must have long conversations with family members who bug you. Seek out those who have common interests. Talk to your cousin about football season, the book you just finished, that show you loved on Netflix, or your next vacation.  Create a support system to help you navigate the gathering.

Even if Uncle Frank has had one too many cocktails, don’t let his off-color remarks spoil the day's intent, to celebrate in joy. You’ve got this!