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Triangle of Disempowerment


Portrait of desert and mountains

Imagine a triangle in your mind. At one corner you will find a Victim. At another corner you will find a Rescuer. At another corner you will find a Perpetrator.


In most relationships, people tend to jump onto the triangle and just reposition themselves with different people depending on the situation.


When our relationships are defined by this triangle we are constantly in a place of disempowerment. Other's actions and behaviors are controlling us, versus being in a place of sovereignty and power. The Triangle often drags people into habitual patterns that over time become comfortable even if they are not useful for self growth and empowerment.


The Victim represents the thoughts of not being good enough and not being in control. In this mindset, we are at the will of others. At the same time, when we are in this place either we or others absolve us of any responsibility for what is transpiring in our lives. We expect that it is the responsibility of others to help us because we are not capable on our own.


The Rescuer gains purpose and value in helping others, and in fact, this is their main purpose. Sometimes the Rescuer can ignore their own journey, by replacing the focus on attending to others needs above their own. Often, their boundaries are loose or non-existent. Sometimes, they take on the role of martyrdom.


The Perpetrator often feels that the world is a challenging dangerous place and it is better to keep the armor up and stay on the defensive in order to stay safe. In this way, they often appear combative and aggressive in order to avoid flipping into the place of the Victim.


Each of these three roles requires the energy and story line of the others. Yet, when we are caught in one of these roles we are always in a place of Dis-empowerment. The only way to recover our power is to consciously step off. This can take tremendous effort, as often these roles have been life long habits that we are comfortable in. And it requires a commitment to sovereignty.


To Release the Victim Mentality, we take full responsibility for our lives. What happens that feels good and what happens that feels not so good. We no longer feel like we are at the mercy of other's behaviors and have no control.

To Release the Rescue Mindset, we step off the triangle and believe and allow other's to make their choices from a place of power, even if we can see a better way to proceed. We allow each to have their own journey and allow consequences to offer learning for a more satisfying life.

To Release the Perpetrator Connection, we recognize those places that are getting triggered inside us... we see the need to attack other's out of our own insecurity or pain, and we are willing to face those feelings.


When we recognize and own the different places we sit on the Triangle, we get that immediate moment to step off and try something different. It means we take full responsibility for what is going right and what needs to change. Once the Triangle is seen, it cannot be unseen, and thus begins the journey towards self empowerment.



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